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I am trying to figure out an alternative phrase for "imposter syndrome"--maybe workplace gaslighting?--to describe the experience of having my skills both undervalued and exploited. That has done such damage over the course of many years, that I wonder both about my capability and the sincerity of others. Quite the devocation.

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I recently have had a very direct, ancestral devocation from expecting scarcity, particularly in my relationships. I've had an invocation (Rose, am I using that right?) To look for Love in my relationships and expect Love, Joy, and Abundance.

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the call to be a workhorse is one and the other is the constant external pressure to provide intellectual snacks. Both of those are not my portion in this life.

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I am going to be thinking about this all day now. I might be misunderstanding, but most recently it was the words of my faculty advisor telling me there are not enough positions in my chosen field and that I should try other paths. It felt like a rejection, and as a person with a major fear of rejection, that certainly called me away from my sense of vocation.

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