I came to terms with my rage last year for the first time in a long time, and was swept up by how much heart space it took inside of me. It made me sad to know my anger longed for a place to express itself and I was too shameful to create it. While there are degrees that all of us have in understanding anger as an emotion as well as a spirit that has something to say, Black women’s rage is constant, because there is a hierarchy of “No!” that was planted the moment we grew conscious enough to speak. We are forcibly rejected from expression, even as children. We struggle and tip toe and contort and hardly know what it means to feel whole enough to trust everything life asks us to consider. I’ve been on a journey of crafting my life intentionally to find wholeness in the spirits within me that need my vessel and chose me to be the one to act. To question. To dream.
Thank you for taking the time to read and digest this, sis! The shame piece has been sitting with me. I used to have dreams, even, where I couldn't scream to save my life...which is wild to me, that even in my young mind, I had that restriction.
I know these days for me, knowing I am old enough to tchipe/suck my teeth in front of (almost) whoever I want is a freedom. It's like a mini anger release lol
May you find a safe place (within and around you) to let yourself be angry.
I felt this. I first came to terms with mine a few years ago and reading your comment made me wonder if at this point it’s just a part of me that I should embrace? Something that I should tend to and release but also lean into bc it reminds me I’m human and deserve more. Anyways, sending you love!! ❤️
Wowowow. Before I came across this piece, I sat on the subway en route to visit my parents, writing notes in my phone about rage - specifically the rage of working to free yourself only to be confronted with the inevitabilities of constraint. For me the constraints are family and patriarchy, and the expected silent suffering you wrote of. My spirituality and faith have been the greatest catalysts for my freedom and growing voice, and thus the greatest inspiration for my budding poetry journey. But I get self conscious sharing bc what a contradiction lol. Your feeling too spiritual for the poetry crowd and too poetic for the theology crowd resonated. Finally, I love what you said about softness being eclipsing vocations. I’ve come to understand rest as a vocation - after all, caregiving, even if for ourselves, is a practice/craft/labor. Thanks for writing this, I look forward to spending more time with it.
I didn't want to make this newsleter too long, but I learn so much from Audre Lorde, who's essay on "the Uses of Anger" from her book Sister Outsider changed my life. Heres a video version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cne98VD8AuM
I always look forward to your writing, Rose. I started writing poetry again lately and I am a part of "In Surreal Life" (https://www.officialshira.com/insurreallife) during April. So far it has been very inspiring. I often feel the division of ocuppying religious spaces and feeling like I don't completely belong and vice-versa. It reminds me of what Naomi Ortiz writes in her book "Sustaining Spirit" about living in many worlds at the same time. Hopefully I am making sense.
This looks so cool! How awesome that you get to be a part of it and you are writing poetry again. It’s like realizing you can breathe deeper, isn’t it? Gentle landings as you explore creativity in this community. 🙏🏾
Rose, thank you for writing and sharing this. I especially appreciate you discussing rage, how you came to terms with it and how others have managed it as well. This was beautiful!
Rose, this piece has been such a wonderful introduction to your writing. Thank you so much for taking your time with it and sharing it with us. I often find myself reaching in multiple direction to dip my fingers into whatever brings me joy. It is so difficult to rein myself in because I WANT to be a part of it all. I want to stay curious and allow myself that freedom. And now, I am understanding more and more how rest needs to be part of who I am. Rest as a form a reverence to myself, my ancestors, my community. Because without it, there's not room for me.
Also really loved hearing you in conversation with Lucille. I see her spirit in your work so clearly. To have her in your writing lineage is so special.
I feel so deeply seen by your comment Shivani. Words cannot describe. I love that phrase “read as a form of reverence to myself, my ancestors and community,” whew! I could write a whole ‘nother piece inspired by that. 🙏🏾
There are just so many lines I want to highlight, circle, underscore. You're telling my secrets and in hearing them through your words, I am healed. Thank you for this generosity of un-doing aloneness.
This is a whole affirmation for me Kelsey. Today was feeling a lot of weariness about my writing/direction of life. But I really so enjoy writing when I remember who meets me on the other side of my invitations. Thank you for the reciprocity you always bring 🙏🏾🖤
Yes!!! Please write about cowboy Carter and Lucille Clifton. I told you I met her daughter at a conference, yes? And I love the like from the first poem you shared, building something human.
Eclipsing vocations! Thank for for this and for your vulnerability. I write about generalism in work and I would love to explore rest as a vocation itself and even the inherent layers of living a multi-faceted life.
I came to terms with my rage last year for the first time in a long time, and was swept up by how much heart space it took inside of me. It made me sad to know my anger longed for a place to express itself and I was too shameful to create it. While there are degrees that all of us have in understanding anger as an emotion as well as a spirit that has something to say, Black women’s rage is constant, because there is a hierarchy of “No!” that was planted the moment we grew conscious enough to speak. We are forcibly rejected from expression, even as children. We struggle and tip toe and contort and hardly know what it means to feel whole enough to trust everything life asks us to consider. I’ve been on a journey of crafting my life intentionally to find wholeness in the spirits within me that need my vessel and chose me to be the one to act. To question. To dream.
Loved this entire letter, sister.
Thank you for taking the time to read and digest this, sis! The shame piece has been sitting with me. I used to have dreams, even, where I couldn't scream to save my life...which is wild to me, that even in my young mind, I had that restriction.
I know these days for me, knowing I am old enough to tchipe/suck my teeth in front of (almost) whoever I want is a freedom. It's like a mini anger release lol
May you find a safe place (within and around you) to let yourself be angry.
I felt this. I first came to terms with mine a few years ago and reading your comment made me wonder if at this point it’s just a part of me that I should embrace? Something that I should tend to and release but also lean into bc it reminds me I’m human and deserve more. Anyways, sending you love!! ❤️
Wowowow. Before I came across this piece, I sat on the subway en route to visit my parents, writing notes in my phone about rage - specifically the rage of working to free yourself only to be confronted with the inevitabilities of constraint. For me the constraints are family and patriarchy, and the expected silent suffering you wrote of. My spirituality and faith have been the greatest catalysts for my freedom and growing voice, and thus the greatest inspiration for my budding poetry journey. But I get self conscious sharing bc what a contradiction lol. Your feeling too spiritual for the poetry crowd and too poetic for the theology crowd resonated. Finally, I love what you said about softness being eclipsing vocations. I’ve come to understand rest as a vocation - after all, caregiving, even if for ourselves, is a practice/craft/labor. Thanks for writing this, I look forward to spending more time with it.
I didn't want to make this newsleter too long, but I learn so much from Audre Lorde, who's essay on "the Uses of Anger" from her book Sister Outsider changed my life. Heres a video version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cne98VD8AuM
It’s been a few years since I read it but imma dive back in! Thank you for the reco 🙏🏾
So well crafted! I really enjoyed reading this. I felt like you wrote this from my head because I relate so much.
Receiving this affirmation, sis! Writing in ways that bring us relief is one of my life's joys.
I always look forward to your writing, Rose. I started writing poetry again lately and I am a part of "In Surreal Life" (https://www.officialshira.com/insurreallife) during April. So far it has been very inspiring. I often feel the division of ocuppying religious spaces and feeling like I don't completely belong and vice-versa. It reminds me of what Naomi Ortiz writes in her book "Sustaining Spirit" about living in many worlds at the same time. Hopefully I am making sense.
This looks so cool! How awesome that you get to be a part of it and you are writing poetry again. It’s like realizing you can breathe deeper, isn’t it? Gentle landings as you explore creativity in this community. 🙏🏾
Rose, thank you for writing and sharing this. I especially appreciate you discussing rage, how you came to terms with it and how others have managed it as well. This was beautiful!
Thank you Stanley 🥹
Tapping into my rage is part of my spiritual healing journey
Rose, this piece has been such a wonderful introduction to your writing. Thank you so much for taking your time with it and sharing it with us. I often find myself reaching in multiple direction to dip my fingers into whatever brings me joy. It is so difficult to rein myself in because I WANT to be a part of it all. I want to stay curious and allow myself that freedom. And now, I am understanding more and more how rest needs to be part of who I am. Rest as a form a reverence to myself, my ancestors, my community. Because without it, there's not room for me.
Also really loved hearing you in conversation with Lucille. I see her spirit in your work so clearly. To have her in your writing lineage is so special.
I feel so deeply seen by your comment Shivani. Words cannot describe. I love that phrase “read as a form of reverence to myself, my ancestors and community,” whew! I could write a whole ‘nother piece inspired by that. 🙏🏾
There are just so many lines I want to highlight, circle, underscore. You're telling my secrets and in hearing them through your words, I am healed. Thank you for this generosity of un-doing aloneness.
This is a whole affirmation for me Kelsey. Today was feeling a lot of weariness about my writing/direction of life. But I really so enjoy writing when I remember who meets me on the other side of my invitations. Thank you for the reciprocity you always bring 🙏🏾🖤
Yes!!! Please write about cowboy Carter and Lucille Clifton. I told you I met her daughter at a conference, yes? And I love the like from the first poem you shared, building something human.
Oh yes, I remember! I have some Lucille Clifton and Cowboy Carter connections in my head. It would be so fun to do. 😊
Eclipsing vocations! Thank for for this and for your vulnerability. I write about generalism in work and I would love to explore rest as a vocation itself and even the inherent layers of living a multi-faceted life.
Glad this is resonating for you. There are so many layers/intersectionalities that go into the silence many people take up as they endure oppression.