becoming yourself is (liberatory) work
an (re-)introduction to the work of a gentle landing
Hello gentle people,
As I have shared before, I’ve been through some hard things this past year and have really needed to prioritize rest, healing and play.
In my time of archival devotion,1 I am coming back to the reasons I got into this work. It has meant remembering a past when I was wrapped up in predominantly white spaces doing justice work. Remembering the wounds, the masking, the burnout.
I am remembering being taken advantage of and being treated like defending my humanity was some kind of hobby for me. When I reach back even further, I remember the childhood trauma that lives in my bones.
All of this points me back to the tenderness that has always been with me and I find myself wanting to live to honor it. Both the tenderness that is a beautiful softness that shapes my personality, preferences and sensibilities but also the tenderness that was beaten into me/tried to destroy me.
All of this has been part of my healing work—
The work I am doing to become exactly who I am. I must always credit EbonyJanice for saying that becoming yourself is the most important work you’ll ever do. She also said the free version of you is the actual you.2
These days I am resting/healing/playing to land gently into who I am meant to be.
Below is a video from my application submission for the Nevertheless She Preached “Rest and Reimagine” Cohort.3 I thought it really captured my sense of vocation well. The one that builds upon the work of becoming myself.
Things I mentioned in the video (in case you didn’t watch or in case you love a recap):
I am a writer and spiritual formation specialist4
I feel a call to healing justice work
I am called to be well rested and to help others rest (and reimagine)
Poetry is an important foundation for my spiritual formation work
Joy(!) is deeply important (see “won’t you celebrate with me” by Lucille Clifton)
My work is spiritually expansive (also inspired by Clifton)
My work focuses on the everyday over the spectacle (again, inspired by Clifton), especially in justice work
There you have it.
Do you know what I see here in this list? A simple invitation:
Keep resting in poetry. Keep healing through poetry.5 Keep up the wordplay—it might just save your life.
Even my time studying the Lucille Clifton papers a few weeks ago pointed to that simple truth for me. It was as if I was looking for permission to just be myself. Somehow, taking a deep dive into the archive of Clifton’s life sent me on a journey through my own life’s archive.
Throughout my life, I see how hard I have been on myself and how far I was from a homecoming. But I also see a growing sense of self-efficacy and resilience as I stand up taller within myself. Even on my bad mental health days as of late I’ve been able to (eventually) take refuge in my self-care routine and habits. I am growing in my ability to reach out and express when I need help before the crisis point. I am paying attention to my body’s signals and learning to experience it as a safe place.
These are just a few of the ways I am doing the work of becoming myself. What does your becoming work look like?
My hope as I write is that we might become our well-rested, healed and playful selves together. So please, don’t leave me in this conversation by myself:
Are you experiencing a homecoming? What does that look like?
This is a term I coined to describe a Sankofa (go back and get it) type journey through words that mean a lot to me—my own and others.
I am glad I returned to my notes from her “Dream Yourself Free” masterclass this past week.
My journey with the cohort ended a few months ago. It was a great experience, even though I missed the “rest” part of the cohort (a wonderful retreat in Austin, Texas) due to a bad mental health episode the began in the late summer into early fall.
In the video I got mixed up and said director as in “spiritual director.” I am not currently directing anyone.
Apparently the healing power of poetry is well documented and studied. Who knew!?
I know I'm not very interactive on any sort of social media these days, but I do still read and try to keep up. It's always good to read your words!
I do often think of it as becoming myself, and/or a softening. A big part of that process is the re-membering of parts of myself that I tried so hard for so long to amputate. Along with that, I also often think of it as scraping off mud and muck that has been stuck to me for so long that I had come to mistake it for part of my self. And all of this involves finally allowing myself to feel so, so much grief.
As I have continued to go through this process over the years, as so many other things have fallen away, I've landed on these words that feel like they sum everything up:
Make art. Love well.
These have been expansive (and expanding) words for me, and they feel like the summary of the work and the guide pointing me further into becoming myself.
Welcome back ❤️ I’m sorry you’ve dealt with hard times recently, and send you love and continued healing! Idk if I’d call it a homecoming but I am definitely experiencing something. Maybe more like a chrysalis (the break down of body mind and spirit has been 😮💨). I’m still getting to know her but I like this new version of me and she feels the most me I’ve ever felt.